I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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