i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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