So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
