go do what you do best...puke behind churches
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
