WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
