i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
