i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
