So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
