So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
