I wish I could teleport
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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