you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
