I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
