I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
