Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
