Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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