Well douche your snatch and let's go!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
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my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize