Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
