I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
