we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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