a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
