we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
