Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
