my vag is so smooth its legendary
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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