I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
