Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
