i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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