You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
