I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
