....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
