i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
