I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
