It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
