Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
