Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
