She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
