Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
