So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
