WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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