The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He did a backflip because drugs
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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