I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
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At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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