She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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