Umm I'm too high to move.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Houston, we have a squirter
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
