dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
