Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
