So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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