wrigley field is MILF paradise
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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