You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Can I color on your dick again?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
