I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
