I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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