so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We just shotgunned beers for America
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
