my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
please come you make the beer taste better
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
