Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
