ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
