apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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