I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
