and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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