My Higher Power is John Stamos
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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