I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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