i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
