I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We had sex on a dog bed..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
