If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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