Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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