Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I am one with the molecules
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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