I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The Olympian is in my bed
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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