I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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