He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
home. puking in laundry basket.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
