my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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