3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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