Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
