So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
