I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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