Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
