she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
