Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
