Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
