community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
