can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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